What's up?

I have no idea...what's up is  it up that I seek when it is down or side ways.

Upside down...spinning like an errant top.

Some days nothing seems ordered...not my thoughts...my activities...it all exists

Like the pieces of some frightful jig saw puzzle...out on the table waiting for order and form to be administered.

The girls went home today...oh how I miss them...just the knowing that they are here even if they aren't in the same room or house even is such joy a comfort...

When they leave - ouch!

Then - what seemed so full of smiles and joy falls splat like a flat pancake where the cook forgot the levem.

Someone told me that the world needs my voice.  How can that be when many days I don't want to hear it.

Recently I read a portion of the biography of St. Catherine or Genoa.  I was very encouraged to know that she struggled with depression and melancholy.  So, I am not closed off from the "holy, saintly" club because gray clouds and raindrops follow me.  Good, because without Jesus and the Body of Christ I'd be lost...in Him, I live and move and have my being...

March 8 2015

A Day with Bill

This is a test

Irish Stew

It is time for bed but
I must write something before the day is done.
What pieces...whisps wisdom has the sun, rain and wind
Brought forth?
Maybe nothing...there are days like that.
Ceilings low.
There was joy today..you can see it in the
"Am I Irish enough?" picture.
and so - Irish stew it is...

don't ask me where the title came from.
I just put it there because it made me smile.

No Idea...

I really have no idea...
where is this day going?
I should have asked the question when I got up this morning.
Not certain the answer would have been any clearer than it is now.

 So - what does the silence bring?
I have no idea...
it is not welcome
I did not invite it over for tea.
It is just here and
I have no idea.

The sun is out - for the time being
No idea about that either...
could it be - winter is over?
let me see...ummmm.....
more rain where the last down pour came from?
clouds

I have no idea

The Lazy Saint

Oh my - I am back.  Noticed the last posting - March 2012.  That's almost a year.  So I decided to name the next few posts The Lazy Saint.  Lacking the energy or inspiration to write much of anyting this last year I just lay dormant.  What caused this change of gears I do not know but there it was - like a rusted old truck - parked in my driveway - blocking exit that would take this vehicle of writing on excursions and adventures.  I watched many episodes of A Baby Story...walked some - learned to bowl and am no closer to the desired end than I was 10 months ago.  That's sad.

I am certain there are others who find themselves in like circumstances...lots of creative juices bubbling up below the surface - producing lots of steam but no sustance and ending up feeling  defeated. 
My Bibles have a coat of dust on them.
My heart gets heavy without knowing why.
My memory seems to fail me - words drift off into Never Never Land...although I gather comfort from a friend who laughs with me at the sagging effort of aging abilities - things I never used to even consider as part and parcel of the navagation - everything was in its place and work - clicked along in a predictable rhythm.  When the rythm of a piece of music is changed the whole flavor - expression - even the apparant meaning shifts.  So - here I've say set in idle and the music and notes and the way they take flight - or fall to the ground has left a very different composition for me to hear and move in. 
My body looks more like an eggplant that a gently shaped tree...and it doesn't wave and sway - sort of awkwardly strides down the street - in the super market.

I wast to write and wax poetic - let the best of what I am and what's inside out.  It is stuck in a gray space right in the middle of my belly...Does any of this sound familiar or am I nuts?

I've learned - been driven and dragged - in a good way

Irreverant Rantings

Irreverant Rantings

so - here I am - again...trying to write it down...
the laughter and the aches -
 the hard and the soft.
Setting sail again and the waves crash
will I ever make it to shore
will the long night of distant entanglements
loose the knots?

I am stopped by the mystery of where I am...aging
crossing over
to paths of quiet meditation
setting up a call to the rest of us to get a move on.
crying out most strongly to myself...
"Hey lady whatcha doing on that park bench"?

Not wanting to "Die an unlived life" -
which way is forward?
which path chosen in this time is the fork in the road
 that leads up - higher?
We do not want to live - dwell in the darkness -
 the ever shadowing
overhang of grayness...
many mornings of sun and bright reflection
many high places from which to see yet farther.

Parts don't move as well...the rust is set in
the joints creak and groan
under the weight of years.
The heart isn't rusted over with immobility
beating forward
beating sure
wondering why
missing the cues
lengthening the pain of misinpretation
------------------------------------------------

Irreverent Rantings

can I put a hat on
something bright and crazy
purple toenails maybe...
not proper
necessarily irreverently flung
and danced out-loud
silly even
and why not !
after a life time of no
you really shouldn'ts
who cares?
do purple and green go together
maybe - gold and orange - why not
if it brightens your day
makes you smile.
irreverent ecstasies
inconsequential rantings
"I will not go silent into this good night."